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my kitchen rules season 6 5

my kitchen rules season 6 5

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"If I told you that you were in the grand final of My Kitchen Rules, would you believe me?" Will asks Steve, a fairly stupid question to ask someone who is currently in the grand final of My Kitchen Rules. Both teams have been cooking for some time now, but mostly we've just been listening to them tell each other how unbelievable it all is. But now we get down to some serious cooking footage, which is a shame because it's pretty boring. Shaz has assigned the "rustic jobs" to Jac, who always does what Shaz tells her to, and lives in a small wire pen in Shaz's backyard.

Will and Steve's duck has been confit-ing for hours. "We have no idea what's been going on in that oil," frets Steve, though I wouldn't be too worried – I mean the ducks are dead, they can't cause too much trouble. They're also sous viding watermelon, which causes Drasko to wet himself on the balcony. But will they finish their dish in time? Yes they will, but the rising tension as everyone pretends they might not is gripping. "We're gonna do this for New South Wales," says Will, clearly having abandoned reality for good. Meanwhile Jac and Shaz need to make sure they season their plate, having become terribly confused – you season food, not plates.

In the Top 6 round, teams competed in a number of cook-offs held in Kitchen Headquarters. At the end of this round, five teams advance into the finals. This also sees the return of the Rapid cook-off and Showdown challenges, which have so far been omitted this season.

Amazingly, for the eighty-sixth time this season, the course is plated up in the nick of time. The judges love both dishes, which is getting pretty boring.

With only half an hour left, it must be time for the judging. "That battle was epic," says drama queen Will. "It's do or die," lies Shaz, knowing full well that at this stage it's neither. The two teams stand before the judges. The judges talk. The judges talk. The judges talk some more. It is observed that Jac and Shaz are what the competition is all about. It is noted that restaurant-quality cooking is what the competition is all about. Guy says he thought he was a five-year-old kid again. Will is super proud. Jac's heart's going a hundred beats to the minute. The great wheel of time turns ever-slower. Several ads for House Rules drift dreamlike past our consciousness.

A battle royale took place in Kitchen Headquarters last night, a knock-em-down, drag-em-out, no-quarter-asked culinary brawl, the most ferocious and brutal contest that has ever taken place between pretentious English expatriates and rural blonde antiseptic spokespeople. For either Jac and Shaz, or Will and Steve, a dream will come true. For the other pair, life will cease to have any meaning whatsoever. When the grand final finishes – currently scheduled for late November – one team will stand triumphant. But for both teams life will have changed forever.

Steve is back in the kitchen. "We cannot give up," he says, but he's wrong: they totally could if they wanted to. But they push on, and plate up their second course, which looks like a cheese wheel exploded in an aviary. It's a terrible mess, but in all likelihood, the flavours are all there, because that's what usually happens.